Publishing Gremlins

Recently, I noticed I received a review on GoodReads where a reader mentioned editing errors in the book she read. She wasn't being critical, she was just pointing them out for future reference. Being attentive to these things, and appreciative of the comment so I can fix it, I immediately reread the book she had read and couldn't find the instance she was talking about. 

Am I just not seeing it?

I will be the first to admit that sometimes I'm only human, and mistakes do occur. My writing and editing process takes months and months. My work goes through beta readers, copy editing, developmental editing, line editing, proofreading -- all of it in three different mediums: on computer screen, on paper, and on Kindle screen via PDF --- and then Word's AI grammar and spell checking, and finally a text-to voice read through with headphones on. And I must say -- the AI spell checking and grammar does make suggestions about commas that drive me nuts. One time, it will suggest putting a comma in a place I didn't have it. Two weeks later, it will tell me to take that very same comma out.  Usually, I just rely on my gut (and the years of Honors English and college classes) to get me through determining the grammar. I am not a grammar snob or grammar critic who delights in living in a grammatically correct literary world. I just want my work to be perfect and enjoyable. 

But if you tell me there is an error in my books, I have the ability to correct it and you can bet I will. And I will be horrified that the error was there.

So after years of my life are spent editing and correcting edits on a manuscript before it becomes a published book, I am befuddled, bewildered, and completely boggled when I find very obvious errors in my published work. How in the world could I miss *that* obvious of a mistake? Especially after other eyes had looked at the same exact words before too? 

I've determined that there is only one answer to this: publishing gremlins.

Seriously.

Now we all know gremlins are "imaginary" and "made up" -- "not real" -- and all of that but really, are they? Because *something* happens to a manuscript between the time I hit "publish my work" and the time it is available to purchase. I imagine a team of small goblins, or perhaps drunk little winged fairies, adding extra letters and rearranging words during that time. 

Why?

Because they can. And because no one believes they exist. 

I asked Photoshop what  a publishing gremlin looks like, and it came up with this....

Evil little vindictive mischievous devil isn’t it? 

All of this is coming to head because I am prepping for my first audiobook. I have to listen to it and make sure pauses are right, pronunciation is correct, and all of that. I figured, should be easy, just gotta work on those two things because I've already listened to these books BEFORE I published them. Easy-peasy-lemon-squeezy. 

Yeah. No.

What frickin' toddler edited these manuscripts? So far, I have come upon about twenty very very obvious errors in the first 200 pages alone in this very edited manuscript of mine. How have I not seen these errors? How were they hidden from my eyes? Have I like crossed into that episode of The Secret of Skinwalker Ranch, where they saw, with their very own eyes and the TV camera, the drone fly one way, but the GPS and all of the other tech logged it being somewhere else? As Groucho Marx said, "Who are you going to believe? Me or your lying eyes?"

While I have my own theories about what is happening out a Skinwalker Ranch (They found the Toothfairy’s lair) I know I am not a total buffoon in editing. The logical person would say, "But Em, just hire a professional editor, who holds degrees from prestigious universities and holds personal desires to torture people for using the wrong kind of comma instead of the way you've been doing it?"

Good point. I thought of that too because when I publish to IngramSpark, I want my copies to be 100% indisputably perfect in every way to satisfy the normal, common person who reads and not have fingernails-on-chalkboard errors because *that* is my biggest author fear. (And you know what they say about fears?) When I discovered that a professional proofreader charges one to two cents a word, I thought, that's reasonable! But then I did the math.

The one I'm listening to to for audiobook is 132,225 words long. If they charged me one cent a word, that's just over $1300 dollars. At two cents, that's over $2600. In today's economy (and I'm talking the magical land of California and its cost of living) that's basically a mortgage payment thanks to fire insurance going up this year. Even at once cent a word, that's a month of food groceries (that won't even last a month cuz I have kids who are constantly growing.) And that's *just* proofreading. So, you know, life choices.

I hear the realists out there -- "IF you can't afford an professional editor, then you shouldn't be publishing books." Or "Don't write that long of a book, then." 

And to those people, I wish upon you your own gremlins to visit. A whole flock of them. (Wait, do gremlins travel in flocks, schools, packs, or murders? That's an interesting thing to know.) 

But the point of this all is, I appreciate the folks who take the time to leave a review, even one pointing out errors. You should know that I hear you and I will fix whatever you point out, if it's an error. It's also a reminder to realize that we're all human. Even traditionally published books, with all of the editors, design teams, and marketing behind them, still have errors in them. I've seen them. To the grammar snobs, don't be so harsh on the self-published authors because I'd expect the majority of them are far worse critics of their own work than you are being. Putting yourself out there for the whole world of random strangers to criticize is a very tough and scary thing to do, but those authors are doing it. Just keep on improving and raise awareness about publishing gremlins. Who knows, they may not like all of the attention and move into another mischievous venture -- like math or psychology or even journalism.

Until next time, there is always an adventure in an Em Brooks book! You can find all of them on Amazon in Kindle, paperback, and Kindle Unlimited..... (Coming soon to Audible.)  Have a great day (and beware of gremlins!!!)

Learn more about Em Brooks books at www.TheAuthorEmBrooks.com.